'Well what about the time the police kicked me out of town?' I panicked and scrounged up my most sensational story. 'Did I tell you about the time a thief broke into my hotel room?' I knew my plan was in trouble when we checked into a hotel, but I tried again. 'Have you heard about my home in one of Beijing's poorest, most culturally vibrant hutong?' But she cut me off: 'Oh yeah, I read that in Peter Hessler.'Īs we walked from the subway to my home, I tried again. That fateful day, I met her in the Capital Airport and started right into my first story. 'Aww - for these little things?' I'd say, checking off another story from my mental play list.īut in reality, my sister's visit forced me to shed my self-glorifying myth. 'Maybe you should write a book,' she'd say. As we reclined onto our sleeper bunks, she'd praise my modesty, marveling at how I somehow thought my stories were 'nothing special'. My sister, in turn, would gasp in awe at the danger of my exploits. 'Did I tell you about the time ' I'd start off innocently as we entered the turnstiles at the station.

I'd wait until we saw the sign at the West Train Station reminding passengers to beware of pickpockets, then I'd mention that I caught a thief with his hand in my pocket at a noodle stall in Guilin, Guangxi Zhuang autonomous region. My mind was ablaze, cataloguing all the great China stories I could pretend to be reminded of when we saw sights in the capital.

Though my logical side knows other foreigners have been here and done that, I succumb to the sweet-scented myth like everyone else.įor weeks before her visit, I biked through Beijing's cold winter streets to my ancient Chinese classes every day. Best of all, you get to wrap yourself in the velvety illusion that you're the first to do it. The greatest consolation of straddling squatty potties and riding country buses that pass blindly around mountain corners is that it makes a great story. Better than great, her visit would let me cash in on the most essential benefit of living in China - regaling audiences with China adventure stories. The trauma started when my sister landed in Beijing.

I've never seen Hessler, author of the bestsellers Oracle Bones and River Town, but I eke out a bitter existence every day in his footsteps. Peter Hessler singlehandedly ruined my life in China.

River Town by Peter Hessler